The Gap’s Bow Pocket Dress

Walking by the Gap, I was bowled-over by the new Design Edition line that was created by emerging design talent and shown in bold, clean white lines. The jaunty, angular white “Bow Pocket Dress” designed by Rodarte especially caught my eye. With children in tow, I whip into the Gap, yank a medium off the rack and head toward the dressing room.

This is my lucky day because for $88 I have found the dress I will wear all summer long!

Images of late afternoon summer cocktails flash into my mind –- me, wearing Bow Pocket Dress with stunning sandals (to be determined in a later fantasy) – meeting friends at an ultra chic hot spot where my head will be prettily tossed back in laughter.

Even though Austin really doesn’t have such places, maybe I will be in Los Angeles visiting movie stars and need the dress. My friends will howl when I walk in, “OMG. THAT dress is fabulous. You look better than I have ever seen you!”

Even though I am not fooled by Bow Pocket Dress’ difficult-to-keep-crisp white cotton, I trust my ironing lady is up for the challenge, and I continue the fantasy. However, I am interrupted as my son pulls a string on my somewhat tattered undies. “Stop pulling that. My underwear are going to disintegrate!” I screech.

Back to the fantasy – it’s a starry, balmy night, and I am wearing Bow Pocket Dress with wildly high-heels showing-off my sexy, tan and recently waxed legs. My husband and I are staying with the Trumps in their Ibiza home. We slip out to the terrace for a late night dinner that includes loads of caviar and wildly expensive champagne. I zip the dress and turn my face toward the dressing room mirror.

Holy Cow! I mean, literally – I look like a cow ready to milk. Easily, I look seven months pregnant, and my pasty white body in this stark white dress is so appalling that I am forced to turn away from the mirror. The clerk asks if he can help. Cracking the door and slipping into his view, he covers his mouth in mock horror. “I have seen 80 lb teenagers try on that dress and it makes everyone look fat. To me, you look like a bizarre nurse.” Appreciating his honesty and candor, I quickly strip the dress from my body, collect my children and blaze out of the store.

Truly, the dress is cute, but only on an emaciated, darker skinned person could ever look good in it. If you weigh an ounce over 75 pounds and aren’t six feet tall, don’t buy it! Of course, I just read that the dress has sold out, and is off the Gap website. The photo above is from an eBay listing, as the dress is so popular it’s already hit the black market. The Rodarte designers, sisters Kate and Laura Mulleavy, should be proud – maybe on next project they can add a waist.